Support for new mums in lockdown – Ystradgynlais Mind

Credit: u_njsabyvh

“There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.” 

Mums Matter, Ystradgynlais Mind

It’s very hard to imagine what it must be like to become a new mum during a pandemic. Some of the words that come instantly to mind – isolating, lonely, anxiety-inducing, and exhausting as well as joyful and exciting. Then there is the grief of not being able to share those all-important first milestones of a baby’s development with close family and friends.

The difficulties of coping with what could anyway be a very difficult time in a woman’s life have, over the past twelve months, been magnified many times over, with very real implications for her wellbeing and mental health. Support is more important than ever.

One of the clients of the Ystradgynlais Mind Mums Matter courses tells us what it has been like for her.

How are you? Just you, not ‘how are you and baby?’ Just you. As a mother, this is something I often forget about. I am separate from my baby, even if a lot of the time I don’t feel that way. We are programmed to be our baby’s everything, and this is not a bad thing. 

I have loved becoming a mother, my son is now 14 months old and it’s been the best, hardest, happiest, most challenging, inspiring, demanding, amazing and emotional 14 months of my life. There are days when I think I feel every emotion possible and other days where I have no idea what I have felt or even what I have done. Some days I feel like I’ve ‘won’ at being Mami to my son and two dogs, at being wife, at being homemaker and all the other personas that I am. Whereas other days I feel like I have failed to be good at anything. 

Learning to accept that some days I feel like I have succeeded, and other days I haven’t, has been hard, and I sometimes still struggle with feeling like I’ve failed. The saying ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ is an important message to remember at the moment.

Credit: miapowterr

Lockdown is hard, it’s hard for everyone. We all miss our extended family and our friends. Having a baby, toddler or small child during lockdown brings its own challenges, not only for baby but for us as parents too. When you add a mental health issue into the mix things are even more challenging. 

I have bipolar, which has its challenges on ‘normal’ days. Lockdown has been an emotional roller-coaster for me. Some days I feel like I’m only just surviving, that I’m going to break any minute. At times I feel like sitting in a corner and crying. I feel like I’m not giving my son what he needs, that I’m a bad mother. Having a little time, even if it’s only five minutes, for self-care in whatever form that takes makes these days a little easier to get through. Often I feel guilty about having a hot cup of tea (why do babies know when you have just made a cuppa?), a bath, 10 minutes sat on the sofa, a nap, or even just going for a wee by myself (I’m hoping it’s not just me that doesn’t get to do that very often!). I know I shouldn’t feel guilty and it’s important to take these moments.

My son has congenital cytomegalovirus (cCMV) which means we see several different health professionals. Lockdown has meant that appointments have been cancelled and others we have managed to have via phone call and video call. Although this is a solution, it is not the same as actually seeing a professional. For example, a video call with a physiotherapist was difficult - it was hard for her to assess my son and it was difficult for her to then advise and show me what I need to do at home to help his development.

Jodie and Sophie
Mums Matter facilitators at Ystradgynlais Mind

Being stuck in the house has also been difficult for me. Since having my son I have enjoyed going places more than I used to. I enjoy taking him places where he enjoys, learns, explores and gets to experience new things. I think my son is finding it hard to be in the same four walls, with the same people and same toys all the time. It’s hard to know how to help him overcome this. Coping with being stuck in the house all the time is the main thing I struggle with. I’ve been making the most of the sunshine and spending time in the garden, and I almost enjoy shopping as I get to leave the house! I video call with my Mum most days and have weekly contact with a mental health support group for parents, Mums Matters. Both of which help to get me through each week.

I miss Mami (Mammy/Mummy/Mama) conversations. Conversations where you can say, ‘my little one has started doing/not doing this or that’, and someone says back to you, ‘yeah we went through that stage’, or even, ‘that’s not something we have had to deal with’. I miss conversations that revolve round your small human that you care for and try to understand, conversations where you throw around ideas and suggestions that may help or where everyone is as baffled as you are about what may or may not work to help. I also miss having non-baby related conversations with these same people.

Being part of the Mums Matter course online has helped as it gives me that support. It has helped me to accept that I can’t be perfect. It’s also really helped me to remember that self-care is important and that I need to look after myself to be able to look after my son. I’ve learned a great phrase that I try to remember when I am feeling overwhelmed and there’s no time for me: ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’. It’s so true, and although it often feels impossible right now, I have to remember to take care of my own mental health, to take care of my son.

The Mums Matter course at Ystradgynlais Mind is currently available virtually via Zoom. It is for mums who have babies / children from birth to 4 years and struggling with their mental health, loneliness, feeling anxious or struggling with being a mum. The 7 sessions over 7 weeks provide mums with a collection of tools and reminders to nurture themselves and keep well. Weekly peer support through Zoom is also available.

For further information ring Jodie on 07946 664 227, email counselling@minditv.org.uk or message the Ystradgynlais Mind Mums Matter Facebook page, Mon – Fri 10am – 4pm.

Perinatal Mental Health Services in Powys

Sophia Bird was, until recently, a Principal Health Promotion Specialist at Powys Public Health. Before she moved on to her new role, she updated us about the work of the Perinatal Mental Health Services in Powys. Sophia was also previously on the Powys Perinatal Mental Health Steering Group.

Colleagues from different sectors across Powys who sit on the Powys perinatal mental health steering group have one shared goal: to ensure that all new parents and their families receive the right care, by the right practitioners and at the right time, irrespective of where they live in Powys.

It is estimated that between 10 and 20% of women will experience poor mental health during pregnancy (antenatally) or after the birth (postnatally) and men can suffer from poor mental health during this time too. After all a new baby means many changes for parents and it can take a while to get comfortable with this new role.

The parent-infant relationship is the key relationship for the infant during the early years and helps shape healthy brain development and patterns for future social and emotional relationships. This developing relationship starts during pregnancy, so it is really important that the parent is well and able to support and nurture their infant. A parent’s poor mental health may affect their relationship with their infant and if there are difficulties in this relationship it can result in a less-securely attached infant because babies need parents to respond sensitively and consistently to their needs. If a parent is not well enough to provide this then there can be longer term effects on the infant.

Over the past few years a number of people from statutory and third sector services have been working to develop services in Powys that support women experiencing poor mental health during pregnancy and after the birth. The steering group has representation from midwifery, health visiting, primary and secondary mental health services, third sector and service users and this partnership has been working to improve the support received by women and their families during this special time.

So the steering group has been keen to ensure that Powys services are set up to provide as much support as possible to new parents and their families. Since 2015, midwives and health visitors have been able to refer any women identified with moderate to severe mental health concerns directly to adult mental health services, and alongside this can offer structured ‘listening visits’ which have been proven to be helpful for those with mild to moderate mental health concerns.

In addition, the nursery nurse service can also provide some practical support, alongside community-based services such as Action for Children, Mind's Mums Matter groups, Bump to Buggy walks and Sblash a Sbri - water-based parent and infant sessions.

So, if a pregnant woman, new parent or family member is concerned about their mental health, what should they do?

The best thing they can do is to talk to their health service provider – their midwife or health visitor in most cases. They will be able to support the family, and can refer and suggest other services that can also help.

More generally, the points below are general top tips from Health Visitors:

• Babies are born ready to relate, to build relationships and seek companionship.
• Skin to skin contact helps to build relationships.
• Good relationships help baby’s brain develop well.
• Babies know their parent’s voice(s) and find it comforting, so talk and sing to your baby.
• Engaging with your baby by talking, touching, looking at your baby helps to build your bond with your baby.
• Looking and gazing at your baby’s face helps your baby’s brain to develop well as well as building your relationship.
• Mirroring your baby’s expression and tone can help baby feel understood and manage their feelings.
• Babies communicate using expressions, tone, and body language. When you watch your baby you learn to understand them better.
• When your baby cries, think about what the crying may mean. Touch and comfort can soothe your baby.
• Try putting yourself in your baby’s shoes, babies need their parent to help learn to manage their emotions. Give them a loving, timely response.
• What your baby experiences, what they hear, feel and see, will shape their brain development, personalities and experiences of relationships and the world, so show them your love.
• How a mother/ father feels may impact on their baby – so their needs are really important too, they need support.
• Happy parents = happy baby.
• Breastfeeding is best for your baby, but however you feed, try to respond to your baby’s feeding cues and hold them close when feeding.
• Offering your baby lots of opportunity to explore and play will support their physical, social and emotional learning and development. Tummy-time is great for this when they are little.
• Providing a loving, calm and consistent home life will help your baby regulate and feel secure.

For further information about Perinatal Mental Health Services in Powys contact Suzy Fairclough, tel: 1597 828711 or email: perinatalMH@wales.nhs.uk

Mums Matter

Mums Matter is a new project being run at two of the Mind centres in Powys – Brecon & District, and Mid Powys Mind in Llandrindod Wells. As the name suggests, the aim is to provide emotional support for new Mums “to manage the everyday, nurture themselves and dispel the many myths of motherhood.”

The project facilitators, Deborah Wilkie in Brecon (left below), and Tracy Lewis in Llandrindod (right below), told me more.

                                        
                                                 
Tell us why you think there is a need for this project in Powys

Deborah: Whilst promoting this programme mums who have had their babies have stated “they wished this sort of course was available to them after they had given birth to their children." They also said “there was no additional support to help mums apart from their GP or health visitor to help them go through such a huge life-changing experience. They felt alone and that they were the only ones suffering and could not fully be honest in how they were struggling with their feelings of anxiety and worries, and feeling very low and isolated”.

Tracy: Powys has the worst access to services and facilities of all 22 principal areas of Wales. There are 30% of households living in poverty in rural Wales. Because of this women can become isolated after childbirth. The stresses of becoming a new mum and all the different advice and opinions can lead mothers to become anxious and worried.

Has Mind rolled out Mums Matter elsewhere in Wales and if so how has it been received?

Deborah: This is the first time this type of support and programme has been rolled out in Wales and we are delighted that Powys has this great opportunity and is leading the way in Wales.

Tracy: This project has been designed by mums with postnatal anxiety and depression who live in deprived and rural areas. The pilot was held in Cardiff and was received very well. Mid Powys Mind is very happy to be rolling this programme out for mums in Mid Powys.

What about motherhood can be different in a largely rural county?

Deborah: Powys is the biggest rural county in Wales covering 2000 square miles with many small country villages and small towns so accessing essential health and social care services for mothers and families can prove to be very difficult especially if they have no transport. The local transport can be infrequent or not at all, leaving a lot of mums and dads trying to cope and do their best for their babies and children. Motherhood can be lonely in these small villages and towns as the population can be very small. They may be the only young family in the area and accessing baby/toddler groups will mean travelling to another area.

Tracy: There are a lack of effective support networks in Powys as its geographic and social isolation is an ongoing problem, mums sometimes don’t feel they can ask for help as it looks like they are a failure in small communities. Many women can struggle to hold on to their identity once becoming a mother.

Tell us about some of the myths around motherhood, and how women can feel in the early days

Deborah: Social media, magazines and TV can portray life is perfect whilst pregnant and after giving birth and concentrates on images of the ideal ‘perfect’ mum. Even when a mum has a quick snapshot of a mum pushing a pram in the street and that mum can seem like they have “got it together” and look like a ‘perfect’ mum in the mind of the viewer, it may not be the case. This programme gives evidence and demonstrates that that’s not the reality and we discuss what motherhood is really like for them. Learning being a ‘good-enough’ mum is essentially a healthy way of bringing up children as it instills realistic expectations in children and teaches them to cope with uncertainties in our realistic world.

Tracy: There are many myths in motherhood and these can lead to self-stigmatising behaviour and negative perceptions of one's self-worth. This can affect any mother of any age and any walk of life.

When women hit a certain age they can feel the pressure to have a baby without being mentally prepared. When you have your baby a mother does not always have the immediate rush of love that you are told you will have as this can be slow to build and can come over time.

There are harmful myths surrounding working mums that they are neglectful and guilty mothers which can add to the pressure and create anxious feelings.

Mums Matter aims to show these women that they are not alone with these feelings, and provide them with the tools they need to overcome these pressures.

How do new mums find out about the project and join in? And when is your next course?

Deborah:  I am running another programme in September 2017 in Brecon during the school term. It's an 8 week course (2 hrs a week) for mums and I provide a crèche for your baby (if you require it) in the same building of the course. If you like to find out more don't hesitate to contact me for a chat….. call or message/text Deborah on 07487 239 150 email deborah@breconmind.org.uk Or ask your health visitor or GP to refer you.

Tracy: The next Mums Matter programme I am running is on the 12 September in Knighton Leisure Centre, 1 till 3 every Tuesday for 6 weeks. There is a crèche available which is run by qualified members of staff. If you would like to book onto this programme please contact me on 07960 271 696 message or text, or you can email me on mums@midpowysmind.org.uk

What kind of support can the sessions provide? 

Deborah:  Being a mum is a very busy role and can be overwhelming and the need to look after yourself is important so we spend time looking at that in a friendly group of mums sharing similar experiences. We explore what it’s really like being a mum and all the feelings of anxieties and worries that go with the role. We look at many coping tools to manage the everyday, looking after yourself and feelings such as negative thoughts and guilt. The aim is to help mums feel much better and more confident in themselves and trusting their own skills and decisions in their role as a mother.

The programme also offers a confidential supporter session for partners and significant others who supports mum, raising their awareness to postnatal depression and anxiety and exploring ways they can support the mum.

Tracy: The sessions will introduce mums to tools such as breathing techniques, meditation and ideas that will help with wellbeing as well as providing an opportunity and space for mums to come together and talk about their experience and feelings. Those in the group, with the help of the Mums Matter Facilitator, will be able to support each other with the changes that becoming a mum demands, and they will realise they are not alone.

There is also a supporters' session for family and friends to attend if they wish.

If appropriate and timely support isn’t provided to new mums what could happen? 

Deborah: I see this programme acting as a prevention as well as an intervention of support to help mums feel stronger in their own well-being. This programme has already prevented some mums going onto anti-depressants and their postnatal depression escalating. I am coming across mums who are still suffering from anxiety and depression some years on from when they first started suffering with these symptoms after giving birth to their child. This programme may have prevented these symptoms escalating into a longer-term health problem so timely intervention is of the utmost importance to mums in their postnatal period. Also, fathers can suffer with postnatal depression too. This programme raises mental health awareness and knowledge also to fathers and carers and other family members.

Tracy: If mums don’t get the support in which they need then depression can take hold and mothers can withdraw completely from all social activities and services that they may need and all relationships will suffer.

If it became clear a mum was experiencing severe postnatal depression what would happen? 

Deborah: I would in discussion and permission from the mum share this information with her GP and health visitor and encourage a referral onto the Community Mental Health Team where there is a specialised perinatal team. I would also refer onto any other services which meets any other identified needs.

Tracy: I would refer that mother back to her health visitor and doctor and help her to seek the professional help that is needed and discuss any other pathways that would help her with her recovery.

Does Mind support continue once the 6/8 week course is complete? Alternatively, what support networks can you recommend to mums? 

Deborah: The mums are encouraged in the 7th & 8th week; which is more of a social meet up with their babies to discuss how they are going to continue supporting each other. My mums from the first programme formed a very strong trusting bond and have a message group chat and plan to set up their own baby/toddler group in September for mums who are experiencing very similar experiences so they can share the realities of being a mum in a supportive, ’good-enough’ environment.

I also refer on to other services for continued support if needed such as counselling, Action for Children amongst others. They also have an information pack. I am also still there for mums to contact me post-programme for any further additional information and sign posting if needed.

Tracy: After 6 weeks there is another meeting in 3 months for the mums to come together with myself to see how everyone has been getting on. There is also a questionnaire to fill out to see which tools the mums have been using and if they are still in contact with each other. Mid Powys Mind also offers counselling, arts and crafts, training and a volunteer programme with information about the Mid Powys Mind services. There are also lists of playgroups, parent and toddler groups and other agencies which the mums may need in their packs.

Tell us what a “Mums Matter Powys” looks like to you personally 

Deborah: I am so thrilled that Brecon Mind has had this opportunity to deliver this programme and I feel privileged to be part of it and I get the opportunity to work with so many wonderful mums. The mums I have worked with so far are amazing and inspirational. I hope this 2 year project can demonstrate to funders and the local government that this is an essential part of the perinatal service provision in Powys for mums and their families.

Tracy: Mums Matter is a programme running in different areas in Powys to help mums who are feeling low and anxious and need some support and tools to help with their mental health at this moment. Mums can talk openly and honestly about how they are feeling without being judged and will feel excepted and not alone.

What are the main challenges of the role? 

Deborah: I hope the word gets about across all the services in Powys that play a part in supporting mums in their prenatal and postnatal period of their lives. I have done my best promoting and advertising and attending service team meetings to-date but there is still lots to do on that.  Also, I would like to see an increase in the referrrals from GPs, I hope they can see and get to know of the benefits. I do get some self-referrals but I think it’s also important individuals know they can refer themselves and contact me direct for a friendly chat to find out more about the programme.

Tracy: Finding available rooms and crèche space and also letting mums know the programme is running and how it can really help.

Tell us about some of the most rewarding work you have done at Mind so far

Deborah: The biggest reward I had was hearing and seeing the progress and achievements of the mums who attended the first programme in believing in themselves as a mum; they were even using the ‘I am’ statement. They left a lot stronger individuals and even accomplished drinking a ‘hot cup a tea’ daily which I was very proud of. Their feedback is the most rewarding and they did it themselves I was just there!

Tracy: Running my first group and seeing the mums bond and support each other whilst learning to grow in confidence was very rewarding.

When you are not working for Mind, how do you enjoy spending your time?

Deborah: I’m a mum of 2 grown up children and a grandmother of 3 gorgeous little ones so my days of running around teenagers have been replaced by choosing when I want to run around after my grandchildren. This has left me with some spare time to indulge in walking coastal paths and cycling. I love our wet and windy land and try and spend most of my time out in it. My husband and I share a passion for classic cars and go on many classic rallies with our restored classic car. My vocation is practicing Reiki in my other spare spare spare time! I love my cats and peace and quiet when I get it, that might mean me just hiding in a corner somewhere for a while.

Tracy: I am a farmer’s wife so I enjoy getting outside and helping my husband and 3 boys on the farm. I also enjoy playing netball and badminton and having a glass of wine with my friends. 

                         

Feedback from some mums who have attended Mums Matter: 

• Amazing idea and support for those who are worried, feeling down or suffering with post-natal depression. There is no need to suffer in silence, there are others too. It was the best thing I ever did. 
• I feel more confident in myself and around people. 
• I could moan and share my feelings without judgment and in a safe place. 
• The creche gave me time to myself to focus on the course… I feel so much better! 
• I never left my baby before, was nervous but he enjoyed it and I enjoyed my space and new-found friendship with lovely mums, felt less alone & more myself. 
• I loved how the course gets you to look at being a realistic mum and not have to stress about being a perfect mum all the time. It’s okay to be a ‘good-enough’ mum! 
• I’ve decided not to take anti-depressants as this course has made me feel so much stronger, confident and happier… I now walk my dog regularly, relax with colouring and drink HOT tea!! 
• The course helped me put things into perspective, the past & the present. Things make more sense now. My heart melts now when I see my kids and that’s not happened in a long time.