Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week 2024

 by Jenna West

online CBT co-ordinator, NHS Wales

You’re exhausted, you’re a whirlwind of emotions and your pregnancy or new parenthood aren’t working out exactly how you’d imagined. You’re trying to be happy – because that’s how everyone expects you to feel – but really you’re just worried about how on earth you’re going to cope.

The reality is, it can be totally normal to feel stressed, anxious or low in the perinatal period.  But rest assured, there’s help at hand: Help that fits in with you and your schedule; help you can access 24/7 in the comfort of your own home; help that will teach you lasting skills for taking care of your mental health now and into the future.

SilverCloud Wales is a free, online mental health support service provided by NHS Wales. Anyone aged 16+ living in Wales can sign up without GP referral. The Space for Perinatal Wellbeing programme caters specifically to expectant mums and dads, new parents, surrogates, caregivers and people adopting a child. There’s no waiting list, and you can access it on any computer or mobile device, including your phone, anytime during pregnancy and up to a year after your baby is born.

You’ll have access to the programme and all its content for a year when you sign up, and you’ll be allocated a trained SilverCloud supporter for 12 weeks. They’ll check in on your progress as you work through the six modules at your own pace, giving you fortnightly written feedback. They can also point you to additional support if they feel you need it.

You’ll see that from the get-go the programme normalises what a tough time this can be. It might feel quite taboo to open up about your emotions, or to admit that you’re struggling or not enjoying time with your baby, but Space for Perinatal Wellbeing gives you a safe place to express those feelings, and breaks down some of the different challenges of this period into manageable points for you to work on.

For example, it talks about being flexible around sleeping times, empowering you to step back and create your own habits and routines based on what works for you, rather than what you think everyone expects of you.

There’s some signposting which shows how you can build some community around you, so you don’t feel quite so alone. There are personal stories from other caregivers in there, so you can hear their experiences without necessarily opening up about your own, and there’s a module on learning how to challenge low mood through simple activities for you and for baby.

All the tools and techniques for managing feelings like anxiety or depression are designed with the perinatal period in mind, recognising its very specific demands - it’s not always a simple case of getting up and going out for a walk to make yourself feel better when you’re sleep-deprived and have a newborn baby to care for.

One size certainly doesn’t fit all, so this is about finding what works best in your situation, always remembering that caring for your baby starts with caring for you.

Download the Space for Perinatal Wellbeing guide here.

If you need support and live in Wales, or if you’re registered with a Welsh GP practice, sign up to the service here.

Find out more about Maternal Mental Health Awareness week.

Supporting families in Powys – Home-Start Cymru

   

Earlier this year Vicky Critchley started work as Home-Start Cymru’s new Family Support Co-ordinator for South Powys. Her colleague Michelle Lawrence-Panter has covered North Powys for the past 18 months.

Home-Start Cymru is a voluntary organisation committed to supporting families with at least one child age 12 years of age or under where parents could be struggling with poor mental health, disability, loneliness & isolation, financial worries, and / or low self esteem.

I chatted to Vicky and Michelle this week to find out more about their roles in Powys.

Tell us about your roles at Home-Start Cymru

We are family coordinators who support a wide range of incredible volunteers here within Powys.

Our role starts when we receive a referral. Referrals come from all sorts of agencies – including health visitors, GPs and parents who can self-refer. We then take plenty of time to get to know the family and find out their strengths and particular needs at this time.

Taking into account location and age of children we carefully match a family with a volunteer and then support them as they get to know each other. Our trained volunteers give compassionate and confidential support, tailored to each family. With the support of our family coordinators they can help families through some of their toughest times. Being a parent has never been easy. It can be lonely, frustrating, heart breaking and overwhelming. Our volunteers pride themselves in being able to contact a family on a weekly basis and be there to offer ideas, a listening ear and to support the family with individual, one-to-one home-visiting.

We can also signpost the family to other support services, including networks in their areas such as playgroups or toddler sessions. We hold regular review sessions with the family to ensure they are receiving support that is just right for them.

In addition, we help recruit and train new volunteers as well as let others across our county know about our services so that we continue to reach out to as many families as possible. We are really fortunate to have links to local charities and grant providers – and are frequently able to make deliveries of resources ranging from Christmas gifts, to well-being goodies, clothes and baby equipment.

What brought you to these roles?

Vicky was a primary school teacher for twenty years. She loved her job immensely but after two decades in the classroom, wanted a change and to be able to support families in an area that she had moved to and been so warmly welcomed to. Whilst sofa surfing the internet one December evening, she saw an advert for Home-Start Cymru, rang the Regional Manager and seemed to be hooked overnight by the ethos and values of the charity.

Michelle previously had her own dance school and then trained in social care. She spent many years working with teenagers and helping them achieve in school, which she really enjoyed. This led her onto working in a children’s centre. After moving to Wales and working for a corporate company Michelle wanted to return to the vocation she loved. Fortunately, Home-Start were offering an opportunity for a Family Coordinator and this is exactly what she wanted to do. 21 months later Michelle loves working in the community and meeting amazing people every day.

Why was Home-Start Cymru set up? 

Home-Start Cymru is affiliated to Home-Start UK which started in 1973. We were founded by Margaret Harrison who believed that supporting a family was best done in their home where it can be shaped to their needs. She realised that if parents get support and friendship from another parent, they will be better equipped to learn to cope with the many difficulties life can bring and will be able to give their children the best possible start to their own lives.

While this idea remains at the heart of our work, we have created new ways of helping parents and their children to meet the changing needs of families.

This idea that started in Leicester, spread across the UK and is now a movement around the world. There are now 22 countries on five continents that have Home-Starts providing support for families.

What geographical area do you cover and where are you based?

Home-Start Cymru covers many regions across Wales. Here in Powys we cover the whole county from as far north as beyond Welshpool to right down south in Ystradgynlais. Michelle and I are home based at this time (due to Covid restrictions) but can be easily reached via our admin email address and our mobiles.

Why do some families require extra support around parenting?

Being a parent has never been easy. It can be lonely, frustrating, heart breaking and overwhelming. Life-changing events can happen to anyone and all parents struggle at one time or another. That is why Home-Start Cymru is ready to support families through their toughest of times.

Our mission statement includes the simple but so important statement…"Because childhood can’t wait.” The earliest years of a child’s life make the biggest impact. Home-Start Cymru understand that in these difficult times, families require a little extra support from time to time. So, we try to give that – in a non-judgemental way - so that we can make sure those earliest years of a child’s life really count so that no child’s future is limited.

How can a parent’s poor mental health impact on the family as a whole?

We mustn’t underestimate the impact that a parent’s poor mental health can have on the whole family. It can come in so many forms - your family may be trying to cope with the impact of mental ill-health or post-natal depression. You may be struggling to care for your young children while you are trying to get better.

A Home-Start volunteer who understands may be able to help along with specialist support groups such as Mind. If you are a father struggling to cope while your wife, or partner, goes through the dark days of postnatal illness, you may be able to find one of our dads' support groups.

We supported Kelly as she struggled with postnatal depression. "I couldn't walk out of the door. I was so low I thought my children would be taken away. I was worried I wasn't good enough. My Home-Start volunteer was the first person to take me out. Before, I didn't want to look at tomorrow, now I can't wait."

Who is eligible for support? And can families self-refer and if so how?

Any family is eligible for support, so long as they have at least one child age 12 years or under. We are not able to support a family which has a social worker assigned to them (due to our funders’ referral criteria). Other than this, we can support any family. Self-referral is really easy and we regularly accept these. Email our central office adminpowys@homestartcymru.org.uk and Michelle or Vicky will be in touch.

If families did not receive the support you offer what might happen to them?

When we face moments of hardship or crisis, it can be easy to become overwhelmed, scared, disheartened, lonely and really not know which way to turn for the best. We pride ourselves in being there before the hardship and crisis become too much for the family and prevent tough times becoming even tougher. Working alongside a family hopefully prevents them from suffering any further and instead allows them to grow, learn new skills, gain confidence and know that there is someone out there who can offer genuine, compassionate and non-judgmental care.

Tell us more about the volunteers’ role

Volunteers are the lifeline of our support. By sharing their knowledge and experience they can transform the lives of young children and their parents in their community. They meet the family weekly, offering support that’s geared towards them and their current challenges. This helps families build on their strengths and increase their confidence.

In return for their time, we provide all the training, guidance and support the volunteers need to be effective and make a real difference. Volunteers, meanwhile, have the opportunity to meet new friends, enhance their wellbeing and develop transferrable skills to take into the workplace.

How has Covid-19 impacted on your work / projects?

We are really proud that throughout Covid-19 we have managed to keep in touch with our families and continue supporting them whilst also growing our incredible team of volunteers. Face-to-face, home visits had to stop in March 2020. Instead we, like most of the world, turned to virtual support – offering befriending, emotional support over the telephone, and via the world of virtual meetings. It isn’t the same, but in these strange times, it’s a good alternative. Who knew you can still do story times over zoom?!

Our coordinators and volunteers are now returning gradually to face-to-face support. At the time of talking to you, we are able to meet families outdoors – for a walk to a playground, or a play in a garden. We are really hopeful that as time progresses, we will be able to return to indoor support – but we know that in the meantime, we can continue to offer remote support as well. Keeping everyone Covid safe is our priority at all times.

Which other Powys organisations do you work closely with to support families with young children?

We work closely with all the health, education and third sector organisations across Powys. We attend network meetings – sharing best practice, letting other groups know of our service and gathering contacts and details of other services that we can signpost our families towards. We are always looking for different organisations to work with and support – for example supporting local fun days, presenting at particular organisation team meetings and contributing towards joint information sharing initiatives.

What is the most challenging part of your roles?

A particular challenge is that we can’t get to see everyone in person in these Covid times. We love to be with families in person and are probably big children at heart – never happier than to be playing alongside children and their parents. Another challenge is that our county is so large. Travelling from one family to another can take quite a bit of time – thank goodness for sat nav and the fact that it doesn’t snow too often to block the country lanes that we travel along from family to family.

Tell us about some of the most rewarding work you have done in your roles so far

By far it is when you hear about how families are growing – when we hear about moments where they are finding strength and being able to move forward themselves. It might be that moment when a young Mum is able to interact and play with her young son with more confidence, or the time when a young Dad has a lovely bedtime story and snuggles with their child. Seeing children and families grow in confidence, with less struggles, feeling better connected and smiling again is so rewarding. We are honestly so lucky and privileged to be able to share a little part of a family’s life – and this is such a great reward for us both.

When you’re not working how do you enjoy spending your time?

We both love to be outside – walking, cycling and spending times with our own families.

Vicky has teenage children, so lots of her time is spent with them, running them around as well as her beloved baking and cooking.

Michelle is busy renovating her new house – and loves gathering with her family, enjoying each other’s company as well as walking for miles with her dogs.

We are both like most families – enjoying time together and balancing busy family lives as well as work.

Many thanks to Vicky & Michelle for telling us all about their roles. To find out more about their work contact adminpowys@homestartcymru.org.uk and/or info@homestartcymru.org.uk or ring 07871 601 772, and/or 07712 270 559.

Support for new mums in lockdown – Ystradgynlais Mind

Credit: u_njsabyvh

“There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.” 

Mums Matter, Ystradgynlais Mind

It’s very hard to imagine what it must be like to become a new mum during a pandemic. Some of the words that come instantly to mind – isolating, lonely, anxiety-inducing, and exhausting as well as joyful and exciting. Then there is the grief of not being able to share those all-important first milestones of a baby’s development with close family and friends.

The difficulties of coping with what could anyway be a very difficult time in a woman’s life have, over the past twelve months, been magnified many times over, with very real implications for her wellbeing and mental health. Support is more important than ever.

One of the clients of the Ystradgynlais Mind Mums Matter courses tells us what it has been like for her.

How are you? Just you, not ‘how are you and baby?’ Just you. As a mother, this is something I often forget about. I am separate from my baby, even if a lot of the time I don’t feel that way. We are programmed to be our baby’s everything, and this is not a bad thing. 

I have loved becoming a mother, my son is now 14 months old and it’s been the best, hardest, happiest, most challenging, inspiring, demanding, amazing and emotional 14 months of my life. There are days when I think I feel every emotion possible and other days where I have no idea what I have felt or even what I have done. Some days I feel like I’ve ‘won’ at being Mami to my son and two dogs, at being wife, at being homemaker and all the other personas that I am. Whereas other days I feel like I have failed to be good at anything. 

Learning to accept that some days I feel like I have succeeded, and other days I haven’t, has been hard, and I sometimes still struggle with feeling like I’ve failed. The saying ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ is an important message to remember at the moment.

Credit: miapowterr

Lockdown is hard, it’s hard for everyone. We all miss our extended family and our friends. Having a baby, toddler or small child during lockdown brings its own challenges, not only for baby but for us as parents too. When you add a mental health issue into the mix things are even more challenging. 

I have bipolar, which has its challenges on ‘normal’ days. Lockdown has been an emotional roller-coaster for me. Some days I feel like I’m only just surviving, that I’m going to break any minute. At times I feel like sitting in a corner and crying. I feel like I’m not giving my son what he needs, that I’m a bad mother. Having a little time, even if it’s only five minutes, for self-care in whatever form that takes makes these days a little easier to get through. Often I feel guilty about having a hot cup of tea (why do babies know when you have just made a cuppa?), a bath, 10 minutes sat on the sofa, a nap, or even just going for a wee by myself (I’m hoping it’s not just me that doesn’t get to do that very often!). I know I shouldn’t feel guilty and it’s important to take these moments.

My son has congenital cytomegalovirus (cCMV) which means we see several different health professionals. Lockdown has meant that appointments have been cancelled and others we have managed to have via phone call and video call. Although this is a solution, it is not the same as actually seeing a professional. For example, a video call with a physiotherapist was difficult - it was hard for her to assess my son and it was difficult for her to then advise and show me what I need to do at home to help his development.

Jodie and Sophie
Mums Matter facilitators at Ystradgynlais Mind

Being stuck in the house has also been difficult for me. Since having my son I have enjoyed going places more than I used to. I enjoy taking him places where he enjoys, learns, explores and gets to experience new things. I think my son is finding it hard to be in the same four walls, with the same people and same toys all the time. It’s hard to know how to help him overcome this. Coping with being stuck in the house all the time is the main thing I struggle with. I’ve been making the most of the sunshine and spending time in the garden, and I almost enjoy shopping as I get to leave the house! I video call with my Mum most days and have weekly contact with a mental health support group for parents, Mums Matters. Both of which help to get me through each week.

I miss Mami (Mammy/Mummy/Mama) conversations. Conversations where you can say, ‘my little one has started doing/not doing this or that’, and someone says back to you, ‘yeah we went through that stage’, or even, ‘that’s not something we have had to deal with’. I miss conversations that revolve round your small human that you care for and try to understand, conversations where you throw around ideas and suggestions that may help or where everyone is as baffled as you are about what may or may not work to help. I also miss having non-baby related conversations with these same people.

Being part of the Mums Matter course online has helped as it gives me that support. It has helped me to accept that I can’t be perfect. It’s also really helped me to remember that self-care is important and that I need to look after myself to be able to look after my son. I’ve learned a great phrase that I try to remember when I am feeling overwhelmed and there’s no time for me: ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’. It’s so true, and although it often feels impossible right now, I have to remember to take care of my own mental health, to take care of my son.

The Mums Matter course at Ystradgynlais Mind is currently available virtually via Zoom. It is for mums who have babies / children from birth to 4 years and struggling with their mental health, loneliness, feeling anxious or struggling with being a mum. The 7 sessions over 7 weeks provide mums with a collection of tools and reminders to nurture themselves and keep well. Weekly peer support through Zoom is also available.

For further information ring Jodie on 07946 664 227, email counselling@minditv.org.uk or message the Ystradgynlais Mind Mums Matter Facebook page, Mon – Fri 10am – 4pm.