Support for new mums in lockdown – Ystradgynlais Mind

Credit: u_njsabyvh

“There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.” 

Mums Matter, Ystradgynlais Mind

It’s very hard to imagine what it must be like to become a new mum during a pandemic. Some of the words that come instantly to mind – isolating, lonely, anxiety-inducing, and exhausting as well as joyful and exciting. Then there is the grief of not being able to share those all-important first milestones of a baby’s development with close family and friends.

The difficulties of coping with what could anyway be a very difficult time in a woman’s life have, over the past twelve months, been magnified many times over, with very real implications for her wellbeing and mental health. Support is more important than ever.

One of the clients of the Ystradgynlais Mind Mums Matter courses tells us what it has been like for her.

How are you? Just you, not ‘how are you and baby?’ Just you. As a mother, this is something I often forget about. I am separate from my baby, even if a lot of the time I don’t feel that way. We are programmed to be our baby’s everything, and this is not a bad thing. 

I have loved becoming a mother, my son is now 14 months old and it’s been the best, hardest, happiest, most challenging, inspiring, demanding, amazing and emotional 14 months of my life. There are days when I think I feel every emotion possible and other days where I have no idea what I have felt or even what I have done. Some days I feel like I’ve ‘won’ at being Mami to my son and two dogs, at being wife, at being homemaker and all the other personas that I am. Whereas other days I feel like I have failed to be good at anything. 

Learning to accept that some days I feel like I have succeeded, and other days I haven’t, has been hard, and I sometimes still struggle with feeling like I’ve failed. The saying ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ is an important message to remember at the moment.

Credit: miapowterr

Lockdown is hard, it’s hard for everyone. We all miss our extended family and our friends. Having a baby, toddler or small child during lockdown brings its own challenges, not only for baby but for us as parents too. When you add a mental health issue into the mix things are even more challenging. 

I have bipolar, which has its challenges on ‘normal’ days. Lockdown has been an emotional roller-coaster for me. Some days I feel like I’m only just surviving, that I’m going to break any minute. At times I feel like sitting in a corner and crying. I feel like I’m not giving my son what he needs, that I’m a bad mother. Having a little time, even if it’s only five minutes, for self-care in whatever form that takes makes these days a little easier to get through. Often I feel guilty about having a hot cup of tea (why do babies know when you have just made a cuppa?), a bath, 10 minutes sat on the sofa, a nap, or even just going for a wee by myself (I’m hoping it’s not just me that doesn’t get to do that very often!). I know I shouldn’t feel guilty and it’s important to take these moments.

My son has congenital cytomegalovirus (cCMV) which means we see several different health professionals. Lockdown has meant that appointments have been cancelled and others we have managed to have via phone call and video call. Although this is a solution, it is not the same as actually seeing a professional. For example, a video call with a physiotherapist was difficult - it was hard for her to assess my son and it was difficult for her to then advise and show me what I need to do at home to help his development.

Jodie and Sophie
Mums Matter facilitators at Ystradgynlais Mind

Being stuck in the house has also been difficult for me. Since having my son I have enjoyed going places more than I used to. I enjoy taking him places where he enjoys, learns, explores and gets to experience new things. I think my son is finding it hard to be in the same four walls, with the same people and same toys all the time. It’s hard to know how to help him overcome this. Coping with being stuck in the house all the time is the main thing I struggle with. I’ve been making the most of the sunshine and spending time in the garden, and I almost enjoy shopping as I get to leave the house! I video call with my Mum most days and have weekly contact with a mental health support group for parents, Mums Matters. Both of which help to get me through each week.

I miss Mami (Mammy/Mummy/Mama) conversations. Conversations where you can say, ‘my little one has started doing/not doing this or that’, and someone says back to you, ‘yeah we went through that stage’, or even, ‘that’s not something we have had to deal with’. I miss conversations that revolve round your small human that you care for and try to understand, conversations where you throw around ideas and suggestions that may help or where everyone is as baffled as you are about what may or may not work to help. I also miss having non-baby related conversations with these same people.

Being part of the Mums Matter course online has helped as it gives me that support. It has helped me to accept that I can’t be perfect. It’s also really helped me to remember that self-care is important and that I need to look after myself to be able to look after my son. I’ve learned a great phrase that I try to remember when I am feeling overwhelmed and there’s no time for me: ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’. It’s so true, and although it often feels impossible right now, I have to remember to take care of my own mental health, to take care of my son.

The Mums Matter course at Ystradgynlais Mind is currently available virtually via Zoom. It is for mums who have babies / children from birth to 4 years and struggling with their mental health, loneliness, feeling anxious or struggling with being a mum. The 7 sessions over 7 weeks provide mums with a collection of tools and reminders to nurture themselves and keep well. Weekly peer support through Zoom is also available.

For further information ring Jodie on 07946 664 227, email counselling@minditv.org.uk or message the Ystradgynlais Mind Mums Matter Facebook page, Mon – Fri 10am – 4pm.

Prioritising play to promote children’s well-being

by guest authors

Cathy Atkinson & Marianne Mannello

The latest Coronavirus and Me survey undertaken by the Children’s Commissioner for Wales shows a decrease in the numbers of children reporting having spent more time playing. Children aged 7 to 11 in Wales played less in January 2021, compared to May 2020 according to results from a Wales wide survey. Children aged 12 to 18 are also relaxing less compared to May 2020.

Play Wales renew our calls to put play at the heart of supporting children as part of coronavirus recovery, particularly as some return to school. We emphasise a focus on well-being, and a supportive return. There must be dedicated time for children of all ages to play and relax together. This is not a case of choosing between providing for education catch-up or playing – playing offers children the opportunity to keep well and happy. When children are well and happy, they are better equipped to learn and connect.

Here we share a blog written by Cathy Atkinson, a Senior Lecturer in Education and Child Psychology at The University of Manchester, and Marianne Mannello, Play Wales’ Assistant Director. The blog was originally published by Policy@Manchester (The University of Manchester) as part of Mental Health Week.

Credit: Scott Webb

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child Article 31 states children have the right to access play, rest and leisure. With the uncertainty caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, play opportunities are vital to helping children make sense of their experiences, problem-solve, reconnect with their peers, and promote their own wellbeing. In this blog, Cathy Atkinson, Senior Lecturer in Educational and Child Psychology at The University of Manchester, and Marianne Mannello, Assistant Director of Play Wales, consider the important role of children’s play during lockdown in promoting positive mental health, and discuss the ways schools can promote play when they reopen.

• When schools reopen, the focus should be on play and mental health, rather than ‘curriculum catch-up’.
• A blurred approach to learning and play is needed instead, utilising open spaces to maintain physical distancing.
• Guidance from the Departments for Education, based on recent research, would help teachers plan the school day more effectively.
  
  

Why play is important to children’s wellbeing

Last year, before the current lockdown situation, researchers at The University of Manchester, alongside specialist partners, developed a position statement for the British Psychological Society highlighting the importance of play in helping children deal with uncertainty and challenge, regulate emotions and experience fun, enjoyment and freedom. In an accompanying video, children explained why they valued play and how important it was to them.

Play can help promote wellbeing in terms of helping children to:

• Make sense of what has happened to them;
• deal with emotional upset and regain control of their lives;
• experience normality and pleasure during times of upheaval, loss, isolation and trauma;
• foster resilience through promoting emotional regulation, creativity, relationships, problem-solving and learning.

Credit: Islander Images

Play and wellbeing during lockdown

Play has not stopped for lockdown and is as important as ever, as it is children’s way of supporting their own health and wellbeing. Children will find opportunities for play, even in the most adverse of circumstances and parents can support this through:

• Time – enabling children to play freely and valuing play;
• space – creating opportunities for play using everyday objects, and recognising that play can sometimes be noisy and boisterous;
• permission – acknowledging that it is okay for older children to play, for children to play alone, and for children to decide how they want to play.

However, children’s opportunities for play will be affected by their family’s circumstances. For example, in situations where parents are expected to work, where there is limited indoor or outdoor space, or stress from loved ones being distant or unwell, opportunities might be compromised.

Transition back to school

There have been recent calls by leading academics for schools to prioritise play when they reopen. This may be particularly important for children who have experienced difficult circumstances during lockdown, such as parental separation, loss, grief or trauma.

To highlight the importance of play, the UN Committee on the Rights of the Child published General Comment 17, highlighting how play provides a means by which children can externalise difficult, unsettling or traumatic life experiences and offer specific guidance to schools as to how this might be achieved.

Before the coronavirus outbreak, concerns about diminished opportunities for play, especially for vulnerable groups such as children with special educational needs and disabilities, and children living in poverty, had already been highlighted because curriculum pressures have led to reduced opportunities for play in schools.

Children cannot learn effectively when they are stressed or overwhelmed. Studies of brain development indicate that children who have experienced trauma find it difficult to maintain attention, remember things, manage behaviour and regulate emotions, and can have mental health issues in adolescence and adulthood. There is continued uncertainty about exactly when children will return to school and this may well vary across the different countries and regions of the United Kingdom. However, we would ask that when schools do reopen, that it is recognised that this is not the time to play ‘curriculum catch-up’. Children need time to readjust to school life and reconnect with teachers and peers, rather than worrying about learning.

How schools can support wellbeing through promoting play

The challenge now for the Government and devolved nations is to balance reopening schools and keeping children, parents and teachers safe, whilst maintaining the benefits of play to wellbeing. In light of guidance from the Office for National Statistics, that children are just as likely to catch the virus, any planned return would need to be handled extremely carefully. But extreme physical distancing measures such as those pictured in France last year will inevitably do more harm than good to already vulnerable children.

Credit: Scott Webb

We suggest that the Departments for Education across the UK could produce short-term guidance for schools to help them support children’s wellbeing and physical safety. This guidance could include UN advice, as noted in General Comment 17, in the following four areas to promote children’s right to play.

1. Physical environment of settings – The playground environment can be adapted to enable safe, creative play, and make the school more play-friendly. Schools can use fun equipment and/or visual referencing to promote physical distancing. Where feasible, could the playground be available for the whole day to enable extended outdoor access for more children, or could the school field or forest school site be better utilised?
2. Structure of the day – The guidance could support schools to find ways to develop a more responsive and flexible structure to allow teachers to adapt to the needs of their pupils and provide more time and opportunity for outdoor play and learning.
3. Curriculum demands – Given what we know about the impact of trauma and upheaval on learning, we would recommend that curriculum demands on children and teachers be reduced, to allow opportunities for play, emotional growth and social connection. Child-led learning experiences which facilitate free play could ensure no child gets left behind. As cultural and arts activities have been restricted during lockdown, how can these be reintroduced via school curricula?
4. Educational pedagogy – The UN describes the importance of learning environments being active and participatory. Schools can make playful activities central to learning, for older children as well as for those in the early years. Recent research from The University of Manchester found that where the boundaries between schoolwork and play were more ‘blurred’, children felt a greater sense of control over their own learning experience.

Playing is the most natural and enjoyable way for children to keep well and be happy. It is their way of supporting their own health and wellbeing. It is vital that efforts to improve wellbeing in schools should focus on providing sufficient time and space for play.

The UN states that, for children, play “can restore a sense of identity, help them make meaning of what has happened to them, and enable them experience fun and enjoyment.” Recognising the importance of play at this point in time could be an enormous step forward, in terms of protecting the mental health and wellbeing of our children, and of future generations.