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| Powys Bereavement Project Stakeholder Engagement Event 2019 |
As I write some 93 people from Powys have sadly died due to the COVID-19 outbreak. Across the UK as a whole the huge number of deaths is hard to take in by anyone; sometimes it’s just another awful statistic at the end of our day, but for the close family members and friends of those who have been lost to this awful disease, the pain will be only too real.
Today we talk to Charity Garnett, a Palliative Care Nurse for North Powys and a Bereavement Project Co-ordinator, to find out more about bereavement support services in the county.
My Dad died suddenly when I was 15, so I understood earlier than most about the impact of death and dying.
Then when I was 22, my Grandma died really beautifully, over Christmas, in a local hospital. I saw the way the nurses supported her, and supported us, and I thought ‘that is a real job.’
It was another 8 years before I trained as a nurse, but I always knew I wanted to work with dying people and their families. It is the biggest honour in the world to support people at these important moments.
What is your role as a Palliative Care Nurse?
I support people and their loved ones with the full range of things that affect them when approaching the end of life. From helping with physical problems like pain or nausea, to practical and financial worries, and emotional and spiritual support. We help people to think about the future and explore what is most important to them - we call it ‘advance care planning’ and it can be so helpful. The My Life, My Wishes project in Powys is brilliant. Anyone can download the documents here.
What key qualities does a good Palliative Care Nurse need to have?
Compassion is key and an open mind. It is so important to remember that everyone deals with death differently, just as they deal with life differently, and none of us know how we will feel about approaching the end of our lives until we get there ourselves. You have to be able to build relationships over a long time, and work with other health and social care professionals, and be good at co-ordinating often complicated situations. Good self-care is important, because supporting people with so much loss all the time means you need to have good reserves.
Tell us about the Bereavement Project – why now, and how it started.
We were aware in palliative care that we supported people really closely up until someone died, and then we would always call and often visit, but then for relatives sometimes the really hard work of grieving begins. People living with grief often struggle to know what they need or make decisions. Across Wales people are recognising bereaved people need more support and information. People grieve in very individual ways, but there are some common themes and we know some kinds of losses need more support for example children and young people, people bereaved by suicide, sudden and traumatic deaths.
We started by inviting everyone with an interest together to share experience and vision what excellent bereavement support would look like in Powys – and that is what we are now working towards.
Which organisations do you work most closely with on the Bereavement Project? And which organisation might it surprise us to find out you work with?
We’ve worked very closely with the bereavement charity Powys Cruse, our local hospices, and Powys Association of Voluntary Organisations, and many of their members have been brilliant. Grief and loss are a part of life so there is no part of our community that is not affected. The police and the ambulance service have been really motivated to be involved, as they are often there at traumatic moments, and then worry about what support is available for people later on.
Many people who are currently struggling to cope with grief caused by the loss of a loved one may not know about the Bereavement Project. How do they access support?
With the pandemic, grieving has become even more challenging for many people. We have put together some advice and local organisations that people can contact. The new Powys Teaching Health Board website has just been launched and will soon feature a whole page on bereavement resources. All our local Community Connectors are aware of local support for people dealing with bereavement. I am also really happy for people to contact me directly at charity.garnett@wales.nhs.uk
Grief can seep into all areas of your life, and people can feel like their brain isn’t functioning very well, have difficulty eating and sleeping. They may feel angry, sad, overwhelmed, numb, relieved – so many different emotions. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it often comes in waves, especially around anniversaries, birthdays or big life events. My favourite quote about grief is ‘Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot… Grief is just love with no place to go.’ Jamie Anderson
In Powys during the pandemic, a lot of our deaths have been more difficult for patients, their families, and staff because of visiting restrictions in care homes and hospitals. Even people at home have struggled with decisions about seeing family or not close to the end. Goodbyes can be so important for people. I’ve encouraged some people who didn’t feel they said what they wanted to say to write a letter to their loved one who has died, even 15 or 20 years later. Although you can’t send it, expressing the feelings can be really helpful in releasing them.
People can grieve the loss of a pet just as much as a family member. Does the project provide support in these cases?
That is so true, my dog died two years ago and I cried for months – they have such an unconditional place of love in our lives. The Blue Cross provides support on 0800 096 6606 in the UK. Rainbows Bridge also has an online forum for people grieving pets. A fantastic resource is The Good Grief Trust, which was set up by bereaved people, for bereaved people. You can type in the kind of loss you have experienced, and where you live, and it will give you a range of options for support.
What do you suggest to family and friends when someone they know is bereaved, and really struggling with grief, but finds it hard to ask for help?
I think just being alongside someone, for the long haul, is the best you can do. I often suggest taking the lead from them, and asking them what they do want. Sometimes people just want to talk about something normal, or be distracted for a while. Finding ways to show them you care, which might be very practical, can be very helpful. Sometimes it can take a long time for someone to seek help. There are a big range of support organisations out there, sometimes doing someone’s research for them can help – they can then decide to make the call to reach out.
If you could change one thing in the bereavement support world what would it be?
That we recognise that grief and loss is a part of life, and we don’t need to hide it away from ourselves, and from each other. When we lose someone, or something we love, it is totally natural that we would grieve and feel sad. I wish it held a more honoured place in our culture, it can feel like the thing that everyone feels but no one wants to talk about!
When you are not working as a Palliative Care Nurse, how do you enjoy spending your time?
I find being in nature very supportive, with my lovely dog. I enjoy dancing, meditation, hanging out with children, and being near (or in) the sea. I read a lot – if I could recommend one book it would be Kathryn Mannix’s ‘With the end in mind’ – it contains so much practical wisdom.
What is your role as a Palliative Care Nurse?
I support people and their loved ones with the full range of things that affect them when approaching the end of life. From helping with physical problems like pain or nausea, to practical and financial worries, and emotional and spiritual support. We help people to think about the future and explore what is most important to them - we call it ‘advance care planning’ and it can be so helpful. The My Life, My Wishes project in Powys is brilliant. Anyone can download the documents here.
What key qualities does a good Palliative Care Nurse need to have?
Compassion is key and an open mind. It is so important to remember that everyone deals with death differently, just as they deal with life differently, and none of us know how we will feel about approaching the end of our lives until we get there ourselves. You have to be able to build relationships over a long time, and work with other health and social care professionals, and be good at co-ordinating often complicated situations. Good self-care is important, because supporting people with so much loss all the time means you need to have good reserves.
We were aware in palliative care that we supported people really closely up until someone died, and then we would always call and often visit, but then for relatives sometimes the really hard work of grieving begins. People living with grief often struggle to know what they need or make decisions. Across Wales people are recognising bereaved people need more support and information. People grieve in very individual ways, but there are some common themes and we know some kinds of losses need more support for example children and young people, people bereaved by suicide, sudden and traumatic deaths.
We started by inviting everyone with an interest together to share experience and vision what excellent bereavement support would look like in Powys – and that is what we are now working towards.
Which organisations do you work most closely with on the Bereavement Project? And which organisation might it surprise us to find out you work with?
We’ve worked very closely with the bereavement charity Powys Cruse, our local hospices, and Powys Association of Voluntary Organisations, and many of their members have been brilliant. Grief and loss are a part of life so there is no part of our community that is not affected. The police and the ambulance service have been really motivated to be involved, as they are often there at traumatic moments, and then worry about what support is available for people later on.
Many people who are currently struggling to cope with grief caused by the loss of a loved one may not know about the Bereavement Project. How do they access support?
With the pandemic, grieving has become even more challenging for many people. We have put together some advice and local organisations that people can contact. The new Powys Teaching Health Board website has just been launched and will soon feature a whole page on bereavement resources. All our local Community Connectors are aware of local support for people dealing with bereavement. I am also really happy for people to contact me directly at charity.garnett@wales.nhs.uk
People’s reactions to grief can vary widely. Can you give us some examples, and also of the types of death aside from COVID-19
Grief can seep into all areas of your life, and people can feel like their brain isn’t functioning very well, have difficulty eating and sleeping. They may feel angry, sad, overwhelmed, numb, relieved – so many different emotions. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it often comes in waves, especially around anniversaries, birthdays or big life events. My favourite quote about grief is ‘Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot… Grief is just love with no place to go.’ Jamie Anderson
In Powys during the pandemic, a lot of our deaths have been more difficult for patients, their families, and staff because of visiting restrictions in care homes and hospitals. Even people at home have struggled with decisions about seeing family or not close to the end. Goodbyes can be so important for people. I’ve encouraged some people who didn’t feel they said what they wanted to say to write a letter to their loved one who has died, even 15 or 20 years later. Although you can’t send it, expressing the feelings can be really helpful in releasing them.
People can grieve the loss of a pet just as much as a family member. Does the project provide support in these cases?
That is so true, my dog died two years ago and I cried for months – they have such an unconditional place of love in our lives. The Blue Cross provides support on 0800 096 6606 in the UK. Rainbows Bridge also has an online forum for people grieving pets. A fantastic resource is The Good Grief Trust, which was set up by bereaved people, for bereaved people. You can type in the kind of loss you have experienced, and where you live, and it will give you a range of options for support.
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| The Llanidloes Tenovus Choir performing at the Engagement event |
I think just being alongside someone, for the long haul, is the best you can do. I often suggest taking the lead from them, and asking them what they do want. Sometimes people just want to talk about something normal, or be distracted for a while. Finding ways to show them you care, which might be very practical, can be very helpful. Sometimes it can take a long time for someone to seek help. There are a big range of support organisations out there, sometimes doing someone’s research for them can help – they can then decide to make the call to reach out.
If you could change one thing in the bereavement support world what would it be?
That we recognise that grief and loss is a part of life, and we don’t need to hide it away from ourselves, and from each other. When we lose someone, or something we love, it is totally natural that we would grieve and feel sad. I wish it held a more honoured place in our culture, it can feel like the thing that everyone feels but no one wants to talk about!
When you are not working as a Palliative Care Nurse, how do you enjoy spending your time?
I find being in nature very supportive, with my lovely dog. I enjoy dancing, meditation, hanging out with children, and being near (or in) the sea. I read a lot – if I could recommend one book it would be Kathryn Mannix’s ‘With the end in mind’ – it contains so much practical wisdom.
You can also find out more about Powys Palliative Care Services.
My colleague Jen Hawkins wrote more about the launch of the Powys Bereavement Project held in December 2019 in her post It's Time to Talk about Dying.
